Motherhood

Being a mother brings me the greatest joy.

I always wanted to be a mother.  I didn't rush into it.  This is a very, very individual choice.  I went to college, made deep friendships, cultivated a career, married my husband, and had a ton of fun.  I breathed in my life, and lived it fully.  Then I became a mother and had even more fun.  No kidding. I honestly feel like being a mother has brought me the greatest joy in my life.

I love being a mother.  I love finding the best in you or figuring out how to know you better than you know you. I'll show you your innate abilities, your gifts, your heart, your mind and how wonderful it all is.  You're here for a purpose, and it's a fun road to self discovery.

I love being a mother because it shows me how imperfect I am. Being a mother shows me how ridiculous I can be, what I am bad at, and clarifies what really matters.  I really could care less if my bed is ever, ever made.  Who cares!!!  Sometimes as a mother I am tired, snippy or chronically messy looking. I feel like I have 3 looks, preheat, warm, or hot (like an oven) and all 3 take a lot of work. Being a mother makes me search to find my looks and my own personality on a regular basis.

Being a mother has taught me what I really want to work hard for and what I want to be slightly lazy about...like I don't want to pick out my own clothes anymore.  I want a service to decide what I am wearing every day, and dress me based on Big Data, questionnaires algorithms, and a great stylist armed with all of that data.  I also want to eat like a robot but I want it to taste really good.  I want meals that I don't prepare myself and that keep my body extremely fit.  Motherhood helps you know what you want and what you don't want.  I don't want clothes with stains or to be embarrassed in the super market because I am wearing yesterday's makeup because yesterday was a good day. Motherhood really helps you own failure and embrace it. Motherhood knows how to make you feel really insecure and also feel really confident, and sometimes you're inse-confident.  Motherhood helps you be both an extrovert and an introvert maybe even in the same hour.  Sometimes you're too direct and sometimes not direct enough.

I used to be the mother who would read how to make you the "happiest" kid on the block but now I strive for one of the happy kids on the block.

Motherhood will embarrass you like the time I picked you up from daycare and couldn't tell which one was you because you were in a different outfit, but I love you! By my second child, I would walk into your room and scream out your name and look for the one who smiled or kicked. Or when you were waving to me on the baseball field just last week and I didn't know that was you (everyone is wearing the same thing and a hat), and someone else asked me if that was my kid and I said where? Most importantly I was there and you knew it.  Motherhood keeps you humble and can make the smartest person look dumb, and the dumbest person look smart.

If Motherhood was a house, it might have nice curb appeal, tidy bushes but the house might be burning down on the inside. Sometimes the house is untidy on the outside, shutters falling down, in need of paint, but on the inside it's beautiful, and on the fortunate occasion it's both.

Being a mother has taught me about emotions that I didn't even know existed.  I can give the best hugs.  Sometimes I think I feel your feelings for you. With the burden of Hunter Syndrome, I am alongside you. Sometimes I carry more fear than you do, more understanding than you do, and some of your pain.  I cry when really disappointed or frustrated but I am smiling most of the time.  Motherhood has taught me what being brokenhearted is, what the greatest joy is, how to worry, and when not to worry.  Most of all it's taught me about me. Motherhood has brought about a sense of peace and calm. No matter what happens in the world, I am always a Mother.

Motherhood means I'm a good listener. It means I can hear things even when I am not supposed to... It also means you melt my heart when you say, " I love you sweetie". Motherhood has taught me that your brother communicates deepest love, his feelings, and grievances without words.  Motherhood has taught me to connect our hearts and minds where words are absent.

Motherhood means you're never alone even when you want to be alone.  Motherhood teaches you you're not the only one but sometimes you can't see the others. Motherhood sometimes comes with loneliness, and sometimes you feel you're in a crowd of moms.

I also love being a mother because it shows me how amazing I can be, how unique I am. You're raising a person.  When Motherhood shows you your successes you revel in them, and when we're all happy and relatively healthy it's comforting. Motherhood has allowed me to experience caring deeply for another, nourishing, protecting, sometimes letting go, and making decisions that greatly impact another's life.

Motherhood is giving you everything, giving you nothing, and sometimes making you understand how to work for something.  Motherhood is about teaching gratitude.

Motherhood has taught me I can do so much but I always feel like I am doing so little, or doing the right thing one moment and the wrong thing the next.

Motherhood is physical.  It's balancing your inner "Helga" with your outer "Holly Golightly". I love running after you.  I love running along side you. I will always remember running with you. Motherhood has taught me that you can break up an unfair wrestling match in the living room but you might burn the bacon in the process.  I no longer wear heels when I am with you but look forward to that rare date night when I can.  I used to have really awesome shoes. I miss them.

We're all making this up.  Motherhood.  Fatherhood,  Parenthood.  No one really knows what they're doing but the good ones are doing the best they can.

Mother's Day is just that, a celebration of people who are doing the best they can! I love you boys! I love your giggles. I just love you! Thank you for giving me the gift of motherhood.

Happy Mother's Day!

Your Mom,

Amy